Pampered Pooch Collar Covers - Pooch Talk Stories & Poems.

Dog Rules

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. Well, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. So ~~~ the dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. All right, the dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. However, the dog can sleep under the covers if invited.
9. Oh, well, the dog can sleep under the covers every night ~~~ BUT
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Kay Nine, author

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (Hellllooooo ........ That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. To you, it's an animal. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college -- and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!

Dear God

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The sofa is not a "face towel" ... neither are the laps.

4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not throw up in the car.

11. I will not come in from the outside and immediately drag my butt.

12. The cat is not a "squeaky toy" so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

And, finally, my last question .....

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

If Dogs Could Talk

My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will sadden me.
Remember that before you buy me, PLEASE!!
Give me time to understand what you want of me.
Place your trust in me. It is crucial to my well-being.
Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment.
You have your work, your entertainment and your friends. I have only you.
Talk to me, even if I don't understand your words.
I understand your voice when it is speaking to me.
Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it.
Remember before you hit me that I have sharp teeth that could easily hurt you.
Know that I choose not to.
Before you scold me for being un-cooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me.
Perhaps I am not getting the right food.
Maybe I have been in the sun to long.
Or, perhaps my heart may just be getting old and weak.
Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old one day.
Please go with me on my most difficult journeys.
Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen while I am away".
Everything will be easier if you are there with me.
I trust and love you unconditionally.

Your Loving Pet

(author unknown)